NOT ANGELS BUT ANGLICANS

It's quite a large, regional conference. Not only are the clergy expected to attend, but most of them actually do. You see, morning tea is part of the deal, and St. Impious', the parish playing host, or at least the godly women of St. Impious, have a well-earned reputation for their catering. But, to proceed more slowly, we have to earn our morning tea by joining in a Eucharist, the Bishop himself presiding.

Though they'd have frowned if they’d caught any in their own congregation at it, there is a hum of chatter from the assembled priests, Rafferty among the others, while they wait for the service to begin.
All is going well as we approach the Great Thanksgiving. The flowers are attractively arranged, the altar splendid, candlesticks and communion vessels shining, hymns well chosen, all that kind of thing. The priestly congregation participates in loud voices, as well it might! All is indeed well. So far all is well.

As there is such a goodly gathering, the Bishop has taken a large chalice, and filled it generously. He has just recited Jesus’ words of institution over the chalice of wine, and every heart, soul, and mind is focused on the Presence of Christ now among us under the form of Bread, and now, Wine, when disaster strikes. The disaster every priest dreads.

The Bishop stretches out a hand to the chalice – and sends it flying. Wine goes all over. All over everything. He may be a Bishop, but Rafferty and co. are really quite fond of him, and they all, every one of them groan for him. Not just inwardly. Audibly, too. Then, after the groan, a silence fit to flush out Elijah! Broken only by the Bishop, visibly distressed and devastated, asking in a stage whisper, “Pass me a purificator, please.” Now a purificator is a piece of white linen, about as big as a man's handkerchief, folded, and used to wipe and clean the chalice. Every priest sees the problem. But Rafferty, forgetting himself, bursts out in a voice heard throughout the church, "Poor old ******! It's not a purificator you need; what you need is a ****** beach towel!" The silence that follows is as dramatic as the event out in front. The the titters!

However, in a few minutes the damage, material & spiritual is undone, not with a beach towel but several purificators. Communion is distributed and received; the congregation dismissed.

There is an outpuring both of priests and tea and coffee, followed by a fruitful conference, all in a spirit of `There but for the grace of God go I!' Rumour has it that the Bishop pondered repeating his act at the next conference to see if it would have the same salutary effect on his priests as at St. Impious'. Certainly not, as was uncharitably suggested, so he could identify whose voice it was boomed forth when disaster struck!

Fortunately, wise counsel prevailed, and the next conference returned to being the normal fizzer!

GOING FULL BOTTLE, or, FATHER'S IN PYJAMAS

The small congregation waiting in church is beginning to get restless. It is well after starting time, & most of them have to go to work straight after early Eucharist. But there is no Fr.Rafferty. He hasn't shown up; isn't out in front; and there is no starting without him.

After another five minutes, the good father appears, vestments flapping, a little flustered does one suspect? He mutters what may be an apology but sounds suspiciously like "bloody alarm clocks!" and moves to the altar. Now Eucharist can happen. And it does. Everyone settles down and reverently takes their part with gusto. It is a good start to the day, enjoying God and each other like this.

Now this is in the days of up-against-the-back-wall altars, so Rafferty, most often with his back to them all, stands, kneels, genuflects, stands, kneels, genuflects his way through the service. When he goes to stand again after genuflecting at the consecration, he catches up his alb in the process, and there, revealed for all to see, is a pyjama trouser leg. Undoubtedly. Undeniably. Aha! Those who notice stifle a bit of a snigger, but they love him, almost as much as he loves them, and what's a pyjama leg between friends! Eucharist proceeds, and in next to no time they are blessed and dismissed.

Over coffee & toast in the Rectory and more comments about alarm clocks, Fr.Rafferty proudly tells a visitor who'd joined the locals for early service, and now for breakfast, "Bet you didn't know those new vestments were paid for with empty beer bottles!" "Of course they don't know" chimed in Mrs.Rafferty. "How could they know? But go on. Have your little boast!" After all, the little congregation had been collecting the bottles for months, Rafferty himself in the van, round all the local drinking holes. No-one, well, few, escaped conscription. If you came to arrange to be married, or ask for your baby to be baptised, you went away committed to collecting beer bottles as part of the deal. In all fairness, no-one remembered the bereaved being asked to contribute as part of the funeral plan for their loved ones, but if, as was usually the case, Rafferty went back to the home after a funeral, he was more than likely to be seen, and heard, leaving with a bag of empties over his shoulder, happily and brazenly clinking his way home.

As they break up to go off to work, the last word is Rafferty's. As usual. "Not a word about any of this to the bishop when he comes on Sunday. When he puts on our new vestments, it'll be the first time he's been full-bottle in his miserable life! Just say a prayer of thanks to the Almighty One!"

Rafferty came across one of his old sermons the other day, & wondered if it might help someone looking for a lead-in idea for preaching on the Wedding at Cana. Here it is:

Mary has a good eye! Here she is, & Jesus, & the rest of the gang, too, at this rellie's wedding. & just when things're warming up & everyone's having fun, Mary happens to glance across at the bar & sees the barman opening up the last wine cask, ripping the inside out of it, & squeezing the last drops into someone's cup. The Kaiser Stuhl's run out!

Next time Jesus comes near her as he dances around - why do we persist in thinking of Jesus out on the sidelines somewhere as a spectator just watching what's going on? - next time Jesus dances near, Mary says in a stage whisper, `They're out of wine!' Now Jesus isn't all that keen to be interrupted. He responds to Mary rather brusquely in words that mean roughly "what's that got to do with you & me. It's not my time yet." But as I say, Mary has a good eye & Jesus gets an eyeful & next thing we know the waiters are filling these 6 huge terra cotta pots with water; water, mind you! Now each of them holds 25 or 30 x 4 litre casks so we're talking about a lot of water! When they've filled the pots, Jesus tells them to dip in & give some to the head-steward to taste; &, would you believe it, the water's become Grange - or at least Mt.Edelstone! It's a very good year! & the party's a wow from this point on.

Why do I tell the story like this? Because we aren't too good at celebrating life to the full with Jesus. We persist in making him into a stern face & a straight lace, often into someone more likely to turn water into vinegar than into wine, or Grange into cask wine. No wonder a lot of people don't find Jesus so relevant & attractive they just have to get out there & follow him! I bet you that if we were to put a new stained glass window of Jesus at the Wedding at Cana into the church, Jesus'd be up there watching from the sidelines with a serious look on his face. We've got into the habit of showing him like that. Have you ever seen Jesus smiling in a stained glass window? Couldn't we just once dare show him clapping his hands & stamping his feet, kicking his heels up in the boisterous Jewish dancing really enjoying himself, & encouraging everyone else to enjoy themselves too? Could we just once risk showing him with a glass of whatever red is on offer in his hand? One in each hand might be going just too far! You know, years later they're still saying, `Do you remember that wedding at Cana?'! Yet Church has become better at making Jesus more unreal than real. So it follows that this miracle of water into wine & all his other miracles of feeding & helping & healing people become unreal too.

In the Cana story, here's Jesus the compassionate One busily saving that host family from shame & putting the joy back into someone's wedding. & here we are, the church, all too often portraying Him as someone who takes the joy out of everything he touches. No wonder not too many people want Jesus to touch them & their life in case He spoils it! You know, today during a Jewish wedding the Groom is often given a wine glass, representing the beauty of all that God provides for us.But then he has to stand on the glass & smash it as a reminder of how fragile love is if it's not cared for. One Rabbi tells the story of how a Groom is given the customary glass, but stand on it as as he might, he can't smash it. The groom is getting more & more frustrated, the bride's in tears, when the Rabbi twigs to the fact that someone's replaced the glass with an unbreakable plastic one!

Maybe the wedding at Cana can remind us of the dangers of creating a plastic unbreakable Jesus instead of the compassionate, vulnerable one we come to know & love in our midst as we live out the Gospel together today. // There's a great irony in the Cana story, because underneath the out in front story of the water & the wine, S. John means us to see that here enjoying himself incognito in the midst of this typical family wedding party is the True Bridegroom of Israel! The One who out of his great love for us wants all of us to marry Him. In Jesus, Messiah comes into our midst, revealing himself in all his love & compassion, rescuing these newlyweds & their family of the Gospel story who stand for us all. JES wants to rescue us all from our various shames by filling us to the brim & overflowing with the best joy on offer represented by the best wine in this story.

I began by saying, `Mary has a good eye'. Let me end by asking what kind of an eye we have for the things that really matter, people in all their needs, & how we can help them? What kind of an eye do we have for the True Bridgroom among us in daily life today & tomorrow? As persons, as communities, certainly as a nation we need to turn to the One who can stop us shaming ourselves in our relations with one another, &, it follows, with Godself, & turn to the One who can stop any of us settling for less of a life than God's got on offer for us.

A lot of us may have to settle for cardboard cask wine in day to day reality, but none of us has to settle for a plastic unsmiling unbreakable Jesus when the real One can make even the cardboard casks of everyday life taste pretty good!